Redneck Terms Part Two

Redneck Terms: Part Two

Redneck Medical Terms

Artery: The study of paintings.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan: Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live long.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series: World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: I knew it.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Darn near killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman emperor
Tablet: A small table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Tumor: More than one
Urine: Opposite of you're out
Varicose: Nearby

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle

Redneck Terms Part One

Part one of my redneck terms project.

Basic Redneck Dictionary:

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer".

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

HAZE - A contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to Lanner."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) Contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

RANCH - (noun)- Tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

SEED -(verb) - Past tense of "to see".
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City".

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

VIEW - Contraction (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"


Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle

The Second Amendment: A Lesson

The 2nd Amendment was ratified on December 17, 1791, along with the other nine Amendments that make up the Bill of Rights. 

 

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

 

 

 

Cops arrive in time to draw the chalk lines....It's up to you to decide who's body it will be around.

 

 

"Human beings only have two ways to deal with one another: reason and force. If you want me to do something for you, you have a choice of either convincing me via argument, or force me to do your bidding under threat of force. Every human interaction falls into one of those two categories, without exception. Reason or force, that’s it.

In a truly moral and civilized society, people exclusively interact through persuasion. Force has no place as a valid method of social interaction, and the only thing that removes force from the menu is the personal firearm, as paradoxical as it may sound to some.

When I carry a gun, you cannot deal with me by force. You have to use reason and try to persuade me, because I have a way to negate your threat or employment of force.

The gun is the only personal weapon that puts a 100-pound woman on equal footing with a 220-pound mugger, a 75-year old retiree on equal footing with a 19-year old gang banger, and a single guy on equal footing with a carload of drunk guys with baseball bats. The gun removes the disparity in physical strength, size, or numbers between a potential attacker and a defender.

There are plenty of people who consider the gun as the source of bad force equations. These are the people who think that we’d be more civilized if all guns were removed from society, because a firearm makes it easier for a [armed] mugger to do his job. That, of course, is only true if the mugger’s potential victims are mostly disarmed either by choice or by legislative fiat–it has no validity when most of a mugger’s potential marks are armed.

People who argue for the banning of arms ask for automatic rule by the young, the strong, and the many, and that’s the exact opposite of a civilized society. A mugger, even an armed one, can only make a successful living in a society where the state has granted him a force monopoly.

Then there’s the argument that the gun makes confrontations lethal that otherwise would only result in injury. This argument is fallacious in several ways. Without guns involved, confrontations are won by the physically superior party inflicting overwhelming injury on the loser. People who think that fists, bats, sticks, or stones don’t constitute lethal force watch too much TV, where people take beatings and come out of it with a bloody lip at worst. The fact that the gun makes lethal force easier works solely in favor of the weaker defender, not the stronger attacker. If both are armed, the field is level.

The gun is the only weapon that’s as lethal in the hands of an octogenarian as it is in the hands of a weight lifter. It simply wouldn’t work as well as a force equalizer if it wasn’t both lethal and easily employable.

When I carry a gun, I don’t do so because I am looking for a fight, but because I’m looking to be left alone. The gun at my side means that I cannot be forced, only persuaded. I don’t carry it because I’m afraid, but because it enables me to be unafraid. It doesn’t limit the actions of those who would interact with me through reason, only the actions of those who would do so by force. It removes force from the equation… and that’s why carrying a gun is a civilized act....." - by Maj L. Caudill USMC (Ret)

And now to lighten the mood, here's a little Second Amendment humor, starting with a personal favorite of mine: "Guns have two enemies, rust and politicians." I happen to have a T-shirt bearing this slogan.

A Fire Arms Refresher Course

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

7. If guns cause crime, then spoons cause Rosie O'Donnell to be fat.

8. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

9. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.

10. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

11. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.

12. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?

13. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

14. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

15. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

16. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

17. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

18. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

19. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

20. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

21. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

22. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

23. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

24. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.

25. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

26. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

27. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

28. You can pry my firearm from my cold dead fingers.

29. Gun control means aiming with both hands.

30. If you can't hit what you aim at, you don't deserve a gun.

31. I would rather be tried by twelve than carried by six.

32. "The right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."



It's always better to be judged by 12 than carried by six.

Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arms length.

Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safty clicking off.

The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, at 1400 feet per second the response time of a .357 magnum is nearly instantaneous.

The most important rule in a gun fight is: Always Win - cheat if necessary - you dictate who fires the first shot!

Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets... You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it'll be empty.

If you are in a gun fight:
If you're not shooting, you should be loading.
If you're not loading, you should be moving,
If you're not moving, you're dead.

In a life and death situation, do something...It may be wrong, but do something!
If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language.

You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family!


So with that....

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle

P.S. Does anyone want to explain this to me????

WHAT. THE. HELL.



TED NUGENT FOR PRESIDENT

“99.99% of the gun owners of America are wonderful people. Perfectly safe. Perfectly harmless. Wonderful, loving, generous, giving, caring people. Would you leave us the hell alone? Go after the nut jobs, go after the murderers, because I don’t know any. We need to lock up the bad guys and when people show dangerous, murderous intent, which everyone one of these mass-murderers showed” – Ted Nugent

REASONS TED NUGENT SHOULD BE PRESIDENT 

TED FOR PREZ!

1. He believes in the right to bear arms.

2. He believes in hunting.

3. He currently serves on the Board of Directors of the National Rifle Association (NRA).

4. He compared the Obama administration to coyotes who needed to be shot. Right on, Ted!

5. He is a strong and vocal supporter of Republicans.

That's enough for me right there.

As a bonus, here are some great Ted Nugent quotes:

"I'm stymied to come up with anything funnier than people who think animals have rights. Just stick an arrow through their lungs."

"Slash the living hell out of the waste and corruption and the outrageous army of do-nothing bureaucrats. I would fire every government worker whose job I would deem to be redundant and wasteful. No able-bodied human being would ever get a handout again." (when asked what he would do if elected to political office)

"Pimps whores & welfare brats & their soulless supporters have a president to destroy America" (posted on Twitter about Obama being re-elected)

“There will come a time when the gun owners of America, the law-abiding gun owners of America, will be the Rosa Parks and we will sit down on the front seat of the bus, case closed.”

"Hopping the fence or wading the Rio Grande River isn't part of America's immigration process."

So in ending, Ted Nugent for President!

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle

In Support Of Southern Ladies

While innocently browsing the internet today, I came across this blog written by a man listing all the things he hates about Southern women. He's obviously a Yankee, 'cause who could ever hate a Southern lady?? So I'm gonna discuss some of the things he "hates" and give you my opinion on it.

1. He hates "Southern women who say hun, sweetie, doll"

Just what is wrong with a woman who's nice to people? Calling people honey, sweetie, and doll is just the Southern lady's way of being polite to you stupid Yankees who invade the South and trash talk our way of life.

2. Also hates "Southern women who are huge UGA football fans (or any other SEC team) but never went there"

So it's wrong to be a fan of a college football team and never go there? I'm a diehard, lifelong Clemson fan (they're ACC, but you get my point), and although I'm hoping to go there, I haven't attended Clemson University. Yankees don't understand the love of football in the South. Football's a way of life and a religion around here. Stick to watching golf, you Northern idiot.

3. Hates "Southern women who ask you what your sign is because they actually think that a star constellation determines the category of a person you are"

So knowing your star sign is a crime? Besides, I don't know any women who ask this anymore, so where the hell did this come from?

4. Hates "Southern women who say that they don't date black men because they're just not attracted to them naturally for some reason...sorry, that's just a euphemistic way of trying to cover up that you're racist or couldn't ever bring one home to your family - at least be honest about it"

How is it racist when a white lady says she wouldn't date a black boy, but it's not when black guys don't want to date white girls? DOUBLE FREAKING STANDARDS.

5. Hates "Southern women who think that men were created to open their doors and go off and die for them in wars, oh, and make money for them and support them"

Is it so wrong to expect a little chivalry? But of course, you Northerners wouldn't understand being polite. All Southern boys are raised to be gentlemen and all Southern girls are raised to expect a boy to be a gentlemen. We don't date cavemen.

6. Hates "Southern women who say they're religious because they were "raised" that way - whatever that means"

Being raised religious means you were born in a Christian family- usually Southern Baptist or Pentecostal Holiness- and that you live your life as that religion. It doesn't matter if we go to church every Sunday or once a month, we're still Christians who love the Lord. Suck on that, you atheist Yankees.

So that's my anti-Yankee rant for today, let me know your opinion on these things.

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle (a Southern lady who stands up for the South)

A Must-Read

"The Confederate flag still flies high above the South Carolina Statehouse, and it has sparked an enormous amount of debate. The flag was placed above the State House in 1962 as a response to the Civil Rights movement. Blacks in South Carolina see the flag as a symbol of racism and slavery. Many Southern whites see the flag as a symbol of their proud, distinctive heritage and the gentility of the Old South." - David Sarratt

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT SOUTH CAROLINA IS STILL REPRESENTING THE SOUTH.

Please visit his website and read his study of the Confederate flag.

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle

Link to David's website: http://xroads.virginia.edu/~class/am483_97/projects/sarratt/intro.html

The Confederate Daughter And Her Flag

AND NOW THAT I OPENED WITH THAT RACIALLY INSENSITIVE IMAGE......

I just don't understand why people don't like the rebel flag. I mean, seriously, you wear a T-shirt with 'Heritage Not Hate' on it and you nearly get lynched in the McDonalds parking lot. That's the thing, it's supposed to be that all the races "live in harmony" now, but black people get all upset just 'cause I'm showing my Southern pride. Sit down and shut your mouth. It's a free country, I can wallpaper my house with Confederate flags if I want to.

Don't get offended. This is my HERITAGE.

It's confusing to me. Rainbow flags can fly every-damn-where, but I can't fly the Dixie flag? How is that right? I'm one of those people who everyone says "lives in the past". I believe the South will rise again and go back to running everything the right way. We don't even have an American for a president. I nominate Hank Williams, Jr. He'd get the country going in the right direction.



BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

One of my favorite examples of Southern pride in the media is the movie The Baytown Outlaws. You've got your three redneck brothers; Brick (who's insanely hot and wears a Confederate flag shirt throughout the movie), Lincoln, and McQueen (who's also insanely hot). The movie's chock full of stereotypical redneck stuff, like them shooting up a house of drug-dealing Mexicans, shooting up some biker chicker sluts, and shooting up the Indians (they ain't Native Americans). I just love stereotypes, since I'm actually most of those stereotypes come to life. But anyway, get this movie and watch it. You're gonna love it!

So yeah, this post got totally off topic, but I just like running my mouth about being Southern. It shows I'm not so uneducated and close minded, right? Anyways, this is for all my redneck bretheren out there!

Cheers,

The Outlaw Belle


P.S. Here's a picture of the ultra-hot Brick from Baytown Outlaws. Enjoy.



Can we just get married now???????